In Australia, the definition of family violence is different from that in China. Many people may not realise they are experiencing family violence, and many may not realise they are perpetrating it. Today we will take a detailed look at exactly what kinds of behaviour may constitute family violence in Australia. If you or someone you know is going through this, please be sure to protect your own safety through legal means and get away from family violence.

What is family violence

Family and domestic violence refers to any violent, threatening, coercive or controlling behaviour that occurs in a current or past family, household or intimate relationship. This includes not only physical harm, but also direct or indirect threats, sexual assault, emotional and psychological abuse, financial control, property damage, social isolation, and any behaviour that causes a person to live in fear. Specifically, this includes:

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is not only behaviour that causes physical harm — threatening to harm someone is also a form of abuse.

All of the following are forms of physical abuse, including threats to carry out the following acts:

Hitting, pulling hair, choking, pinching, pushing, stabbing or controlling your body in any other way.

Using weapons to threaten you or damaging property.

Not letting you sleep, eat or take medication.

Harming your pets.

Verbal abuse

Harassing or threatening you verbally.

Intimidating you verbally. For example, telling you that if you leave home now, you will lose your children forever.

Calling you insulting names.

Belittling you as a parent in front of your children.

Social abuse

Deliberately belittling you in front of others.

Making up lies about you to other people.

Isolating you from the people who support you.

Not letting you see your own doctor.

Controlling your life; not letting you have a life outside the family.

Sexual abuse

Forcing sexual activity when you don’t want it, or forcing sexual acts that make you uncomfortable.

Forcing you to wear clothing that makes you uncomfortable.

Forcing you to watch or record indecent photos or videos.

Financial abuse

Controlling your finances so that you become dependent.

Forcing you to sign a loan contract you do not agree to.

Questioning every one of your expenses.

Using joint finances for personal use.

Incurring debts for which you share responsibility.

Religious abuse

Preventing you from practising your religion or preventing you from practising your own culture.

Forcing you to follow a religion you do not wish to follow.

Emotional abuse

Controlling you through anger or by refusing to speak to you.

Expressing extreme jealousy.

Not letting you use your phone or means of transport.

Not giving you the chance to make your own choices.

Stalking

Constantly calling you or sending text messages, emails, faxes, letters, or continually sending you unwanted gifts.

Loitering near your home or workplace.

Watching or following you, including by electronic means to achieve the above.

Family violence and children

Even if the violence is not directed at them, children may still be considered to be affected by family violence. For example, if they hear or witness family violence, or are exposed to the effects of family violence — such as a child having to face an adult who is distressed because of family violence, a person who has been injured because of family violence, or property damaged because of family violence.

Initial self-assessment of whether you have experienced family violence

Sometimes, violent and controlling behaviour falls into more than one type of abuse, or it may seem not to fit any of the categories listed here. However, the important factor in identifying family violence is that you are being controlled because of a certain behaviour, or because of fear of a certain behaviour.

Any behaviour that constitutes family violence is unacceptable, even if that behaviour does not constitute a crime.

Often, you may not realise, or you may be unsure whether the other person’s conduct constitutes family violence. In that case, you can refer to the following questions to make an initial self-assessment.

Does your former or current partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, housemate, carer or family member:

1. Make you feel uncomfortable or afraid?

2. Frequently belittle you, humiliate you, or make you feel that you are worthless?

3. Constantly check what you are doing and where you are going?

4. Try to stop you from seeing your friends or family?

5. Make you afraid to disagree or say “no”?

6. Frequently accuse you of flirting with others when you are not?

7. Tell you how the family’s finances should be spent, or stop you from having any money of your own?

8. Stop you from getting medical help?

9. Use violence to scare or harm you (for example, hitting, choking, smashing things, locking you in a car, driving dangerously to scare you)?

10. Pressure or force you to do things of a sexual nature that you do not want to do?

11. Threaten to harm you, or threaten suicide, when you say you want to end the relationship?

12. Interfere with your internet or phone use?

13. Harm the children, or commit acts of violence in front of the children?

Or do some less obvious behaviours of your former or current partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, housemate, carer or family member leave you feeling: fearful or afraid, anxious, unwell, numb, lacking in confidence, so stressed that these feelings cause you to lose sleep, or produce physical symptoms such as muscle tension or a racing heart, or make it impossible to concentrate?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then it is highly likely that you are experiencing family violence. Please take the situation seriously and seek help through legal means.

If you are experiencing it, how do you get help?

First, you can ask yourself: is family violence happening right now? Are you afraid it is about to happen? Does it pose a threat to your safety? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, please call 000 and ask for the police.

When you call the police, you will be asked the following questions, which will help the police know how to respond to your situation:

What is your address or location?

What type of dwelling is it, for example a house or an apartment?

What is happening to you right now?

Do you know whether there are any firearms in the home?

Where is the offender now? Is he still there?

What is your relationship with this person?

Are there any children? Where are they?

Has alcohol or any drugs been consumed?

Does anyone have a medical or psychiatric history?

Is there an AVO in force?

We strongly encourage victims of family violence to obtain help through the means above in a timely manner. However, before seeking police intervention, please also calmly analyse the situation. Among the cases we have handled, there are not a few ordinary arguments between couples, where a quarrel led one party to lose their composure and call the police. Once the police are involved, it is highly likely that an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) will be issued against the party who committed the family violence.

The possible conditions may include prohibiting the party who committed the family violence from:

1. Assaulting, molesting, harassing, threatening or interfering with the protected person;

2. Intimidating the protected person;

3. Stalking the protected person (any person who has a domestic relationship with the protected person is also protected by these conditions, which may include your children);

An AVO may contain additional conditions prohibiting the defendant from:

Approaching the protected person;

Approaching or entering places where the protected person may live, work, or go;

Approaching the protected person, or places where the protected person may be, after consuming alcohol or taking illegal drugs;

Damaging property;

Any other conditions agreed to by both parties or determined by the court;

Once the police have become involved, further proceedings against the perpetrator are conducted by the prosecutor, who may lay charges such as Assault depending on the specific circumstances. Please note that if the victim of family violence later has regrets and does not want their partner to be prosecuted, the situation becomes rather awkward, because at that point the decision whether to prosecute the perpetrator is no longer in the victim’s hands.

Finally

In summary, if you are experiencing urgent family violence that threatens your own or your family’s safety, we recommend that you immediately seek help from the police. If you feel that you may be experiencing family violence but the situation is not particularly urgent, we recommend that you use other avenues — such as consulting a professional lawyer — to fully understand the options available to you and their consequences before deciding how to resolve the potential family violence situation.